Speaking of PH4H eligilble...

Cracked has the top ten "Poor Sportsmen of the Year" for 2006.

Number 1? The entire Cincinnati Bengals.

Dontrelle Willis: PH4H-eligible?

Oh, Dontrelle. Before we just made fun of your crooked cap and that one time that we sat through a game in the center field seats where you pitched so well that the Marlins had a 12-run lead.

Now, thanks to your extracurricular activities, you might have earned yourself a spot on the PH4H roster.

A throw back to 2nd grade

An old favorite...

He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Foldable Man.
He can crawl in your pocket or fit your locket
Or screw himself into a twenty-volt socket,
Or stretch himself up to the steeple or taller,
Or squeeze himself into a thimble or smaller,
Yes he can, course he can,
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Shrinkable Man.
And he lives a passable life
With his Squeezable Lovable Kissable Hugable
Pullable Tugable Wife.
And they have two twistable kids
Who bend up the way that they did.
And they turn and they stretch
Just as much as they can
For this Bendable Foldable
Do-what-you're-toldable
Easily moldable
Buy-what you're-soldable
Washable Mendable
Highly Dependable
Buyable Saleable
Always available
Bounceable Shakeable
Almost unbreakable
Twistable Turnable Man.

FYI

I migrated this blog to the new version of blogger today, so before y'all will be allowed to post, you'll be required to move your account over.

To migrate, click here.

The biggest difference should be that we can label our posts. I think a good protocol to follow is that, in addition to descriptive categories like "sports" or "humor," each of us label posts with our names in order to better keep track of them.

And if anyone is really bored, they can go back through the archives and tag their prior posts, too.


NOTE: If you're having a problem, send me a quick email and I can fix it very easily.

Of course that's his name

"Circumcision is 'not a magic bullet, but a potentially important intervention,' said Dr. Kevin M. De Cock, director of H.I.V./AIDS for the World Health Organization." (From a New York Times story about how circumcision reduces the risk of contracting HIV, especially in men)

PS2 Video Game Injures Key Tigers' Pitcher

During the baseball playoffs, the Detroit Tigers lost one of the most important members of their bullpen, Joel Zumaya, to injury. The Detroit Free Press reports that this injury was caused by Zumaya playing the Playstation 2 video game Guitar Hero. Will contracts need to have a video game playing clause?

Hot, live manatees

A hilarious story in the New York Times reports on a phenomenon that all began when Conan O'Brien threw away a line about www.hornymanatee.com — and NBC had to buy the license to that URL for liability reasons.

Criminal Fantasy Draft

For those of you who missed the PH4H playoffs (and for those, like me, that are likely to be eliminated tonight).... it's time to get ready for next year.

With the help of Cracked Magazine, I present to you a guide for drafting criminals.

Fantasy Meets Reality

ESPN reports that real football players are playing fantasy football. I wonder if any are in reverse leagues?

Last Call. . .

. . .to join the CD Club. So far the schedule is as follows, unless there are any objections. Any new people who want in will be put on at the end of the schedule.

Caroline - December
Dara - January
Jeff -February
Steve - March
Debby - April
Inbal - May
Gershon (who must identify himself more formally - send me an email at orangesage@gmail.com) - June
Justin (assuming your verbal commitment from Ted's holds) - July

I still have not figured out the best distribution method. Steve wants to get an airport locker, but that seems excessive. It also seems a little silly to mail them, since we all live in the same city. Thoughts?

That old phone

When I have time later I'll post some of the lovely sentiments I have received regarding this loss, but for now ...

Qualcomm QCP-2760, of Arlington, Va., formerly of St. Petersburg, Fla., and Denver, died Sunday, Dec. 3, 2006, after being dropped one too many times. The Sprint phone, 6, was known for its incredible longevity and for resembling a remote control.

Purchased in June 2000 at a Radio Shack in St. Louis, QCP-2760 traveled long distances with its owner and experienced thousands of hours of calls. It was initially purchased ahead of its owner's solo drive from St. Louis to Denver, where it then spent more than two months.

The phone lived in St. Petersburg from November 2000 to September 2002 before settling in the Washington, D.C., area in November 2002. QCP-2760 enjoyed brief autumn stints in Normal, Ill., in 2000 and 2002.

"One human year is probably 35 years in cell phone time, so this phone was really about 230 years old," said one friend who asked to remain anonymous because he is completely made up. "That's an old phone, right there."

The cell phone is survived by its owner, Dan Gordon of Arlington. Arrangements for a replacement cell phone with text-messaging capability, a vibrate function and a DC-area telephone number are pending. In the meantime, condolence and other calls should be directed to Gordon's home number.

Sports Weirdness

Last night, Justin blogged about the BCS while I was busy writing about college basketball. Clearly, we're in backwardsland.

As more evidence, check out this empanada bet e-mail conversation from mid-September:

On 9/17/06, Justin wrote:
My proposal.....

Higher ranking in the AP bowl at the end of the regular season..... Wisconsin (3-0, but so far unranked) or Florida State (2-1, ranked, but unimpressive looking).

If neither team is ranked at the end of the regular season and one team goes to a bowl and the other doesn't, the winner is the team that goes to a bowl.

If both teams go to a bowl and only one team wins its bowl game, that team is the winner.

If both teams win their bowl games, it goes to the team that scores more points in its bowl game.

If they score the same number of points in their respective bowl games, we randomly select a member of the PH4H blog, and we each buy that person an empanada.

Whaddaya think?

On 9/18/06, Dara wrote:

It's hard for me to bet on Florida State. It's way easier to make bets on stuff that I don't care about in order to give me something to root for.

Then again, Florida State can still win everything else for the rest of the season . . .

Fine. Whatever.

On 9/18/06, Justin wrote:
Wisconsin could go undefeated for that matter.

Pop Quiz Time

Here's one I heard today... there is one numeral in the English language that, when spelled out, has its letters listed alphabetically. What is it?

A New, Improved Me

South Park Continued

I am cool enough to post a picture or two but I am not cool enough to add this to the old South Park posting.
Can you guess which one is me and which is Caroline?

A CD in the hand is worth two in the bush

Last night at dinner, Dara, Justin, Debby, Steve, and I decided to start a CD exchange among the denizens of the PH4H blog. Modeled after the CD Klub my friends from college have, each month a person would be responsible for creating a mix CD and making a copy for everyone else in the group. The idea is to expose people to new music they might not otherwise find. The only rule is that you cannot repeat a song that is on a previous months' CD. Otherwise, there are no boundaries. If you are interested in joining, post a comment. If you have a month in mind, post that as well. Next week I will create a schedule based on the responses. I will kick things off with a delightful December mix, perfect for Chrismakanukah gatherings and office parties alike. Get excited!

South Park Self-Portraits

Justin & I did it, now the rest of you need to do it too.

Here are our South Park self-portraits:

Go here and make your own. And then add it to the gallery.* (If you don't, we might make one for you -- which might not be pretty.)

DSL

Jeff

Amy

Andy

Caroline

Steve


Violindan

* To do this, copy your window by pressing "Alt" + "Print Screen", paste the result in Paint, and then crop it in there. When finished, save it as a .jpg file. Then post it, or if you'd prefer, just e-mail it to me.

Feeling out of touch?

Here is a slang dictionary—from a youth ministry, no less.

Shut Up Tim McCarver

This website lists a number of goofs and stupid comments that Fox's baseball announcer Tim McCarver has made over the years.

If you like "Grey's Anatomy" or "House" ...

The new series "3 Lbs." requested brain-related materials from my organization for background placement on the show’s sets. It premieres tomorrow night on CBS.

I concede

I announced to Dan last night that I would be willing to concede the race for Alderman if George Allen would concede his race for the Senate.

In a gesture to get Gordon elected Alderman, Allen conceded. I know you are proud of your long ties to Mr. Macaca, Dan, and I concede the race.

Now, get to work. When the hell are you going to fix the street signs? And our fence could use some work. Come to think of it, my closet doors have never worked quite right. And will you please do something about the outlets in the upstairs bathroom? And fix our DVR.

Aldermaning is hard work, Mr. Gordon. Get used to it.

From a Post Q&A

D.C.: Don't you agree that former President Bill Clinton should invite S.R. Sidarth to a thank you dinner?
Michael Shear: S.R. Sidarth is the young man to whom Allen directed the "macaca" comment. He is a student at the University of Virginia, and on an application to a highly competitive political science course, he simply wrote the following: "I am macaca."

How did we miss this?

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

Denis Leary, baseball, and Mel Gibson

Just watch this:

Voice Vote

Three points:

1) There is no physical evidence of a voice vote being called. Absent video or audio evidence, I cannot accept this vote.

2) If this vote was held at the Forest Inn over breakfast that morning, please let it be noted that it was not held at 1939 Westmoreland which is, in fact, where I was when the vote was held. The vote is therefore invalid.

3) Gordon hates puppies.

Let's hear it for South Dakota ...

... where they reject abortion bans and vote for dead people.

My opponent's ignorance

If Mr. Storch had not been an absentee candidate on Election Day, he would have been present for the voice vote in which I was elected unanimously.

LIES, LIES, LIES!

Mr. Gordon would like you to believe that he won the alderman race. This is simply untrue.

Here are the real results

1939 Westmoreland Alderman Race
Results

Gordon ---- 0 votes
Storch ---- 0 votes

100% of precincts reporting

The fact is, in our failure to create ballots, set up a polling place, etc...

No one voted in the election.

Gordon's 0% margin of victory falls within the 0.5% margin in which I can ask for a recount, which I am doing.

As the votes cannot be certified until Nov 27, the recount cannot begin until after that date. I imagine it will be mid December before we know what really happened.

The votes are in and we won

I would like to congratulate Mr. Storch for a well-run campaign and I look forward to working with him as I take office as the next alderman of 1939 N. Westmoreland. It was a hard-fought campaign, and I would like to thank my supporters for seeing past the mudslinging and making their choice based on the issues.

Holy $#*&!

Anyone want to read Chuck Norris's commentary on important issues like evolution?

Here's an example:

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

By the way, without him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.

Alas, there's more.

"Concentrate on your own campaign"

My opponent wishes to criticize me for encouraging voters in the state we call home—Virginia, in case he has forgotten—to go to the polls while he plays games in Maryland with his special-interest pals. Please, Mr. Storch. Spare us.

Paid for by BowlingCanWait.com

It has come to my attention

That my opponent has backed out of our planned debate at Strike Bethesda on Monday night to work on behalf of another candidate for public office. Shameful. You need to concentrate on your own campaign, Mr. Gordon.

Paid for by BowlOn.org

My response

Adapted from a letter I sent out this morning:

Dear Editor:

That respectable news sources would decide this is a story is truly a shame.

I clearly meant my words to be a dig at President Bush. The ensuing blowup smacks of the worst of Karl Rove (or, if you’re a fan of this master of deception and distraction, the best).

Voters, it is a smoke screen. Fortunately those of us disappointed in the direction in which our nation is moving can take action now: vote Tuesday, vote Gordon for Alderman, and see to it that our families and friends do the same. Let's take back the house.

Paid for by the Gordon for Alderman Campaign Krewe (GACK)

My opponent must apologize

Today, my opponent in the alderman race sent me the following email:

"Just a reminder/heads-up about this, in case you're interested. I think I'm going to go."

The message in this email is clear.... my opponent hates the troops.

A "reminder?" A "heads-up?" Well here's a heads up, Mr. Gordon. The troops need your respect, and I demand you apologize for your reckless statement. That is, if you're "interested" in democracy. And I have news, for you... if you don't apologize soon, you are "going to" lose.

Paid for by the Gordon's Gotta Go Gang

Call-in-sick.com

Need to call in sick to work? Next time try this, "a revolutionary new FREE service that allows you to call in your sick message to your boss or employer from anywhere, any time."

It's not just for lawyers anymore

My copy of Washington Lawyer arrived in my inbox this morning. Normally, this is not even a marginally blogworthy event. Except this month, the magazine looked like this:



Yes, folks, it's the story of the legal struggles associated with Baseball's triumphant return to Washington. Excellent lunchtime reading, even if you're not a lawyer.

Empanadas

I will buy empanadas for the first five people that ask for one if Illinois beats Ohio State on Saturday.

Coincidence?

If I understand this article correctly:
1. Statistically speaking, the more dangerous your city is, the more likely you will play for -- and ultimately win -- the World Series; and
2. It is highly unlikely that Coral Springs, Florida -- the 10th safest city in the country -- will ever win a championship.

Name of the day

Bonnie Beaver, professor of veterinary medicine at Texas A&M University and former president of the American Veterinary Medicine Association.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB116190929805905465-email.html

Baseball is more dangerous than one might think

It's just not safe to be a professional baseball player lately.

From ESPN:

The body of a Tampa Bay Devil Rays minor league pitcher missing after his canoe capsized over the weekend was found Thursday.

Erik Walker was last seen Saturday with a female companion, who made it safely ashore after their canoe tipped in a swift stretch of rapids filled with underwater logs, boulders and ledges on the New River.

Is it only the AL East, or is it a more widespread issue?

My response

My opponent would like you to believe my support of the St. Louis Cardinals implies opposition to stem cell research. It does not. I believe there is plenty of room for the free exchange of ideas at Casa Speed Hump, and there is room for occasional disagreement.

The real question here is why stem cell research is even an issue in this campaign. The only reasonable answer is that my opponent is in favor of stem cell research AT Casa Speed Hump. I would like to go on the record against this reckless approach. I support stem cell research only at appropriate medical and research facilities.

And if my opponent wants to attack my sports allegiance, I remind you that he's a Cubs fan. If his approach to governance matches his approach to sports, a vote for Gordon is a vote for 100 years of mediocrity.

Paid for by Swift Boat Veterans for Justin

The real issues

My opponent for alderman, Justin, supports the St. Louis Cardinals. But Cardinals starting pitcher Jeff Suppan opposes stem cell research. I think Justin owes all of us an explanation.

Gordon. Solid for stem cell research. Solid for 1939 N. Westmoreland.

Paid for by Gordon for Alderman.

Halloween fun

Help pick Suri Cruise's Halloween costume here.

How Bad are the Oakland Raiders?

We trash the Green Bay Packers a lot, but how bad are the Oakland Raiders? This week they are 15 point underdogs to a team, the Denver Broncos, that is averaging a mere 12 points per game. I can see it on ESPN... Raiders lose 12-(-3) when Sebastian Janikowski kicks a field goal through the wrong uprights!

Shameless Corporate Sponsorship

The Chicago White Sox have signed a 3-year deal with 7-11 to start its home games at 7:11pm. What will be sponsored next?

Baseless Attacks

"In a campaign season of mudslinging and exaggerations, my opponent would have you believe his spin and negativity. I am here to offer you the truth.

I am proud of our nation's anthem, and I can think of no greater statement of pride than to learn it not only forwards but backwards. My display of my great love of country was, in fact, inspired by a great American game: baseball.

Yet my call to serve requires more than a narrow-minded, isolationist approach to world affairs. While my allegiance is to these great United States, I have gladly supported our friends in Scotland, and I will do so again.

It's time to bring integrity to 1939 N. Westmoreland. It's time for Dan Gordon."

Paid for by Gordon for Alderman. www.votedanforcasaspeedhump.com

Campaign Season in Full Swing

So the campaign season is in full swing, and I know you've all season alot of negative ads, so I apologize in advance for the ad below, but I feel PH4H is the right forum for it.

"Dan. He wants you to think he's a true patriot. But earlier this year, Dan showed his true colors. Prior to a dinner in which he showed his true allegiance to Scotland, Dan was seen, in public, reciting the Star Spangled Banner. Backwards. To pay off a gambling debt.

Why does Dan hate America? It's time to send him a message. Our national anthem should be sung forward, as our founding fathers intended."

Paid for by the Justin for Alderman of 1939 Westmoreland Committee.

301

For the record, Dan's post, immediately below, was the 300th post to this blog.

I just wanted to point that out.

Most unfortunate typo

"Meanwhile yesterday, key players tried to explain inconsistencies in their accounts of the Foley mater, with varying levels of success." At this writing, the online version has not been corrected.

As I was saying....

The playoff bound 2006 Cardinals are the best team in the history of the universe.

Cards trying to blow it....

The Cards are doing everything in their power to blow the NL Central. Despite seemingly having the division locked up last week, the Cards have lost 6 in a row, and the Astros have won 6 in a row.

Here's how things stand now.

The Astros are 2.5 back, both teams have 6 games to go (although the Cards will only have played 161 games and I don't see any double headers scheduled, I'm not sure what's up with that).

The Cards have two games against the Padres and four against the Brewers. The Astros have three against the Pirates and three against the Braves.

Granted, the last team to be in such a free fall at the end of the season and almost miss the playoffs was..... The 2005 Chicago White Sox. And we know what happened with them.

Still, I'm a bit worried. If the Cards blow it, will someone please buy me an empanada?

see you can say Oh.

While looking for video clips from Saturday's Nats game, I came across a site with archived video, including what happened on Sept. 23, 2005. (You'll have to scroll down to Sept. 23.) For those who don't know, the unlikelihood of this led me to offer Dara 2 empanadas (regular and dessert), a lemonade, and a performance of the National Anthem backwards should it occur.

Freak Sports Injury

Next year, can we get fantasy points for when a player injures their own spouse with a foul ball?

Sadly, this is the most interesting thing that has happened to the Orioles in a long time.

Yet Another Onion Link

Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

Man, Biten by Panda, Bites Back

A drunk Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure, tried to pet the bear, and bit the bear when it bit him first. He claims he didn't know that panda bears could bite people.

No truth to the rumor that the Packers offered the guy a contract.

Yarrrr

As Talk Like a Pirate Day concludes, here is a helpful site to get you practicing for next year.

It's all in the last name....

I'm sure this joke has been made before, but do you think Sheldon Whitehouse, Democratic nominee for Senate from Rhode Island, has presidential aspirations?

Damon Huard

The Baltimore Sun's Roch Kubatko posted in his sports blog today:

"At least the Chiefs have Damon Huard to take his place, so no worries.
Damon Huard? Anyone have this guy on their fantasy team?"

I responded by saying yes, he's starting in PH4H.

I'm hoping for a future column mention.

Inside the Mind of the Devil

This article is probably the best interview I've seen with Orioles' owner Peter Angelos, one of the most despised owners in sports.

Empanada Bet: Ravens vs. Rams

Justin and I have placed an empanada bet based on the Ravens and Rams final records. If the Ravens finish better than the Rams, I win an empanada. If the Rams finish better than the Ravens, Justin wins an empanada. If both finish with the same record, whoever goes farther in the playoffs wins the empanada. If both go the same distance or miss the playoffs, whoever picks lower in the 2007 NFL draft pick wins the empanada.

Who knew furniture store owners could be so stupid?

Let me get this straight ... this guy lost hundreds of thousands of dollars because he was certain the Green Bay Packers would score?

Who knew punters could be so violent?

According to this article, the backup punter from the University of Northern Colorado is accused of stabbing the starter in his kicking leg.

Famous athletes play fantasy football, too

Looks like we're not the only ones with an interesting fantasy football league: Check out this article about the Nationals players' league.

Right here, right now, I predict that none of us have the same first round picks as them.

About those Cubs

Last night they lost their 5th in a row to the Pirates, successfully claiming the worst record in the National League. At least last night, closer Ryan Dempster lost it in only 9 innings and wasn't blowing a save, though it was his wild pitch that scored the winning run.

Oh, Condoleezza

What she said about those who would end the Iraq War is amazing.

PH4H World Series

Meanwhile, I nominate the Cubs and Nationals for the PH4H Fall Classic. The Nationals have lost 9 of 10 and are 9-21 since July 28. The Cubs followed their sweep by the Cardinals with a sweep by the worst team in the National League, the Pirates (though the Cubs and Nationals are seriously challenging Pittsburgh for that honor). Oh, and it gets better: a night after Cubs closer Ryan Dempster blew a lead in the 11th inning to lose it, Cubs closer Ryan Dempster blew a lead in the 11th inning to lose it.

PH4H Basebeall MVP

Well, there's just a bit over a month left in the season, so it's time to start thinking about the big awards, starting with PH4H MVP.

Of course, PH4H is all about the pitching, but for MVP, like in the actual game, batting and pitching should be judged independently.

Unless, something drastic happens in the next month, your PH4H MVP will be.... drumroll please.... Ronny Cedeno! The Cubs shortstop has 128.75 points in the league, which is over 30 above his closest competitor, Angel Berroa. Here's the top 5....

Ronny Cedeno (Cubs) 128.75
Angel Berroa (Royals) 95.25
Brad Ausmus (Astros) 89.50
Sal Fasano (Mets) 85.75
Royce Clayton (Reds) 71.50

I know, hard to believe that Jim Bowden traded away a PH4H MVP candidate in Clayton.

Now, for pitching.... this is much more interesting. First, I'm trying to come up with a name for this award.... what's the PH4H equivalent of the Cy Young award? Perhaps, it should be named at the end of the season after the winner.

If the season ended today, it would be the Ambiorix Burgos Award. It says alot about the state of Kansas City pitching that their CLOSER is currently in the lead.

But the pitching race is much closer than the batting race. Here's the top ten.

Ambiorix Burgos (Royals) 415.00
Solomon Torres (Pirates) 408.40
Carlos Silva (Twins) 407.60
Ramon Ortiz (Nationals) 389.20
Jason Marquis (Cardinals) 387.90
Joel Pineiro (Mariners) 383.60
Jeff Weaver (Cardinals) 376.20
Rodrigo Lopez (Orioles) 370.90
Jose Mesa (Rockies) 369.70
Mike Stanton (Giants) 364.60

Dan Snyder and Tom Cruise....

Who's crazier? Now, they're joining forces. Snyder signs Cruise to a two year deal. Can Tom playing running back? I guess L. Ron Hubbard will have to be a Redskins fan now.

Put 'em on notice

Go here to make your own On Notice board.

How Netflix really works

Check it out.

Cards Sweep Cubs

And not only that.... guess what former National hit a walk off grand slam last night, the day after hitting a walk-off single?

Maryland Man Gets Revenge on Wilson Bridge

A Maryland Man will get the ultimate revenge on the Wilson Bridge- he was selected by a panel as the person who has suffered the most from the old drawbridge, and gets to push the detonator on the old bridge at 11:59pm on Monday, August 28th.

PH4H Fantasy Football, Year 2

Come one, come all to Year 2 of the PH4H Fantasy Football League! For those not familiar with our wacky concept, this is a "reverse" fantasy league. You get points for lousy plays (fumbles, interceptions, having your qb sacked, etc.) and lose points for good plays (td's, positive yardage, etc.). To sign up, click here. Good luck to all!

What's Wrong with that Metro Train?

This website lists all the things that have gone wrong with Metro trains. The site says it's been 4 days since the last incident... I wonder how long that will last (and is that a Metro record?)....

Sweet dreams

You're sure to sleep comfortably in your Armor of God pajamas.

DD4H

One man's trash is a Dumpster Divers for the Homeless man's treasure.

Today's "Duh!" headline

From my ArtsJournal newsletter: Beirut Peace Garden Delayed. A garden being constructed in Beirut and meant to symbolize peace has been put on hold because of the war. ... Bloomberg.com 08/17/06 http://artsjournal.com/visualarts/redir/20060817-65684.html

Atheists for God has been added

PH4H could be next ... www.thingsthatdontexist.com

Google Searches and PH4H

According to this site's Site Meter, people have found this blog from the following searches, using Google and other search engines.

"Was He-Man Gay?" Two people found the site this way.

"Caroline and Steve" Do the two of you have stalkers?

"Jeremy Piven J Date" and "Jeremy Piven Interview"

and.... get this....

"Progressive Rock Blogs"

Is Pluto a Planet?

The International Astronomical Union's Planet Definition Committee (yes, there is one) has suggested to a national convention of astronomers a new solar system category, the pluton. Pluto would be demoted from planet to pluton and would join Ceres (an astroid between Mars and Jupiter), Charon (Pluto's moon), and UB313 as plutons. So I guess we'll have to scrap our old mnemonic devices (My Very Expensive Mercedes Just Smashed Up Near Philadelphia) and come up with a new one. The Washington Post suggests "My Very Early Map Can't Justify Such Unusual New Planets Coming Up". Do you have any suggestions? If so, post them in the comments!

More from The Onion

Well, since I keep posting links to Onion Sports stories, I guess it's only fair that I link to one that basically makes fun of the Cardinals.

Cincinnati Reds Volunteer To Win NL Central

Which is better: NFL or College Football?

ESPN ran two articles side-by-side today -- one giving reasons why the NFL is better than college football, the other giving reasons why the college game is better.

Everyone knows what I think. (Go 'Noles!) What do you think?

Greg Maddux

I probably don't have much room to make fun of the Cubs since the Cardinals just got swept by the Pirates, but as King Kaufman points out, Maddux has made 3 starts and given up 2 runs in 20 innings as a Dodger, for and ERA of 0.90.

Boxing puppets? Bobbleheads?

Behind Chavez and Castro in this picture are what appear to be Castro and (maybe) Chavez. Now polling on what those things are.

Prediction

Nothing about Joe Lieberman will appear on the front page of tomorrow's Washington Post. Seems there's something else in the news today.

President's Race

I'm sure everyone's seen it up close by now, but here are two quick pictures of the Nats' new and improved President's Race.

Satire, meet parody

Finally, someone is calling out Stephen Colbert.

Oy vey!

Check out this latest invention: the Yarmulkebra.



Yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.

Why does everyone hate A-Rod?

Check out this great article on why everyone hates Alex Rodriguez.

Chad Cordero: Writer?

Chad Cordero wrote an article for MLB.com.

Watch for coverage on TNT

Oh yeah, you know you want to go to a music festival and crab feast hosted by Jimmie "JJ" Walker.

More bashing

Can we bash A-Rod and Albert Belle too?

PNC Park Leaving Pittsburgh?

Let's see... On this blog we've had Cub bashing, Royal bashing, Ponson bashing, and, of course, Cristian Guzman bashing....

But no Pirates bashing. So, here it is, from the Onion...

PNC Park Threatens To Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team Is Built

Question of the Day

Anyone have any clue why ESPN fired Harold Reynolds?

Jeremy Piven on J-Date

I already posted about this on my blog, but it bears repeating: Read Jeremy Piven's interview about J-Date. It's weird.

Watch the stadium being built!

Check out the website showing pictures of the construction of the new baseball stadium.

Big baseball news of the day

Tthe relationship between major league baseball and D.C. sure has gotten really bad really quickly. Not that it should surprise anyone.

Still waiting for the announcement of the purported Bonds indictment, though.

Too bad Dan's not here

From America's Finest News Source:

Disabled List Offers Mark Prior Two-Year, $8 Million Extension

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

For the past month or two, the Orioles have been advertising Brian Roberts Celebration Bobblehead Day for the Saturday, July 15th game against the Texas Rangers (no, he won't be wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a Bowie Baysox uniform). This bobblehead was the first of a two part series featuring Roberts and Melvin Mora. Unfortunately, due to a manufacturing error, the Roberts bobblehead won't be ready for Saturday's game, and fans will instead receive a voucher. So what happened? Let's just say it appears that the bobblehead doesn't look like Roberts at all... but does have a certain resemblance to Melvin Mora, Jerry Hairston, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, etc...

And you thought there was nothing sports-related to report on today

As Justin pointed out while we were watching the All-Star Game last night, today is the only day of the year with no major sporting event. I'm sure Debby is estactic.

To mark the middle of the Nats increasingly depressing baseball season, DCist published a list of awards. Most notable:

• The FEMA Award: GM Jim Bowden
• Best DIY Player Bio: Royce Clayton
• Most Guzmanian: Jose Guillen
• Star in the Wrong League Award: Daryle Ward
• Best Nationals Cheer: "the denizens of Section 320 for the modified Norway soccer chant: “Hooray, hooray, hooray,... Jose, Jose,” which seems to finally be making its way around the stadium. Notwithstanding his miserable season, Guillen gets some of the best support RFK fans can offer."

Update: It is rumored that Barry Bonds will soon be charged with perjury and tax evasion.

Sidney Ponson Update

As Jeff told me by email yesterday, the Cardinals designated Sidney Ponson for assignment. Unless another team picks him up, Ponson will finish the year with an ERA+ of 86, and I will lose our bet.

Two random things

1. Inbal posted about the Office recently, but here's some new info: The British cast will be making an appearance on the American version this season.

2. Via Gawker, the cover of the New York Post:

Baseball comic

Check it out.

Hidden dangers of minor league mascots

Beware of mascots -- because underneath their innocent, cartoonish exterior, there may be a giant perv.

What's up with Kansas City baseball teams?

First the Royals suck, now the Northern League's Kansas City T-Bones are resorting to video games. The T-Bones have teamed with CompUSA to offer the CompUSA Ultimate Baseball Challenge: two video game players will play the first two innings of a game between the T-Bones and the Schaumberg (Ill.) Flyers using a Microsoft XBox on the electronic scoreboard, and then, regardless of the score, the real teams will play the rest of the game. Maybe the Royals should try this promotion- their video game team has to be better than their real team!

So much for the future of the Nats

Jim Bowden is staying as general manager.

No friggin' way.

I think we should offer the following definition to Wikipedia:

Delusional: see Rafael Palmeiro.

Office News

For all you office fans this just in fron TVGuide.com:

NBC.com will premiere the first of 10 original, stand-alone webisodes of The Office on July 13. The weekly online installments will chronicle accounting staff members Angela, Kevin and Oscar's quest to find a missing $3,000. Look for Dwight, Jan, Phyllis, Roy, Stanley and Meredith (hic!) to also put in appearances.

King Kaufman and the Cubs

It would be a shame if the day after Dara blogged about the Cubs sucking, my favorite sports columnist wrote a column about the Cubs sucking. Really, it would.

Chuck Norris and Playoff Beards

Scroll down this site to see the most exciting part of hockey... the competition of who wins the Chuck Norris trophy for the best playoff beard! This guy actually takes the time to evaluate the players' beards and determine a winner. Speaking of Norris, here is a list of Chuck Norris "facts" - some of these are pretty interesting....

Video of Asheville Tourists manager's tantrum

No one's posted the link to this video yet, so I thought I'd share.

If you're going to get ejected, you might as well go out this way.

Almost as fun as Royales With Cheese

Justin, I believe this club is for you. (Dan, not so much.)

Um, so about those Cardinals.... and Ponson...

Well, I'm going to sleep, and unless the Cardinals score 18 runs in the top of the 9th... The Cardinals aren't going to top the 20 runs the White Sox have scored tonight.

Mark Mulder gave up 9 runs in 2.1 innings, but the big news is that Sidney Ponson has been demoted to the bullpen.... and gave up six runs in one inning.

Jeff, the ERA+ hasn't been updated yet (as I go to sleep), but it's fair to say you're winning the bet by a decent amount now.

Update

Ponson's ERA+ is 83, and the Cards managed to only lose by 14 runs.

Jewish Baseball Cards!

That's right! Here's your chance to get your set of Jewish Baseball Cards. Current Jews in baseball include Brad Ausmus, Shawn Green, Gabe Kapler, Mike Lieberthal, Jason Marquis, Scott Schoeneweis, and Kevin Youkilis.

And more importantly, here is the list of the career leaders among Jews in a variety of stats. Not surprisingly, Hank Greenberg and Sandy Koufax are well represented on these lists.

But Shawn Green is only 28 home runs away from being the all time Jewish home run leader! (Actually, make that 21 to go, those stats were published at the end of last year).

Minor League Baseball

For those that are going, the PH4H trip to the minor league game -- either at Bowie or Frederick -- is only 2 weeks from Saturday. For those that aren't, well, it's not like I didn't give you enough advance notice.

In the meantime, here's a nifty little New York Times article on New York City's minor league baseball teams, the Brooklyn Cyclones and the Staten Island Yankees.

Screech is selling t-shirts!

Screech from Saved by the Bell -- not the Nats mascot -- is selling t-shirts to keep his house out of foreclosure.

Kudos to a Cardinal

At Camp Rainbow on Friday, Cardinals outfielder John Rodriguez came out to sign autographs. He also willingly painted faces and let two campers paint his face, and he stopped by swim time on the way out.

He ended up with a rainbow on his forehead and "#15" on his cheek, after telling a camper she could paint her favorite ballplayer's number. It was clear his number is 53, but she went ahead and painted Jim Edmonds's number anyway. Rodriguez's agent got a kick out of that.

I asked him if he'd mind painting a red "C" with a blue circle around it on my face, and he said no, that'd be fine. "Really? The Cubs logo?" I asked. "The Cubs!?" he laughed.

I may be a Cubs fan, but I'm not a Cardinals hater (well, at least not full-time), and I'm impressed by Rodriguez.

Justin's Progressive Rock Quiz

Take Justin's new quiz.

Avram Catches a Foul Ball

Congrats to Avram, who caught a foul ball last Wednesday in the PH4H seats last Wednesday! To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time someone has caught a foul ball in the PH4H seats.

And he caught it on his birthday! And Stephanie got his name on the scoreboard! I happened to be at the game in other seats and took a picture of the scoreboard with my cel phone. You can't really read it in this picture, but it says "Happy Birthday Avram P."

Ponson update

After a particularly bad outing this week, Ponson's ERA+ has dropped to 100. Jeff, who wins the bet if he finishes the year right at 100?

PH4H All Star Ballot

What you see here, my friends, is my PH4H All Star Ballot. At first, I was going to just choose who I thought was most deserving, but I decided it would be better to just base it on the actual points leaders in the league. So here's what I did.

I looked at total points for each player in the league, and took the top players at each position in each league. But there are some caveats.

I only let players be eligible for the position for which they appear on the ballot. The Colorado Rockies' Luis Gonzalez is one of the top players in the league, and is eligible at a number of positions. But he's on the ballot as a second baseman, and Rickie Weeks beat him out for the spot.

Juan Castro is the fourth best offensive player in the league, but he was recently traded from the American League to the National League, so he is ineligible.

I did allow write-ins, but since the ballot has only two spots for write-ins, I limited myself to the top two. Congratulations to the Phillies' Sal Fasano and Abraham Nunez for grabbing the spots.

And I feel a little proud, because I have the best offensive player in the league, Adrian Beltre, on my team.

And congrats to Chris Duffy for making the team, even though he's been in the minors for a decent stretch now.

For ease of reading, here are the AL and NL rosters.

American League

1B Travis Lee, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
2B Mark Ellis, Oakland A's
SS Angel Berroa, Kansas City Royals
3B Adrian Beltre, Seattle Mariners
C Jose Molina, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
OF Brian Anderson, Chicago White Sox
OF Darrin Erstad, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
OF Rondell White, Minnesota Twins

National League

1B Adrian Gonzalez, San Diego Padres
2B Rickie Weeks, Milwaukee Brewers
SS Ronny Cedeno, Chicago Cubs
3B Abraham Nunez, Philadelphia Phillies
C Sal Fasano, Philadelphia Phillies
OF Reggie Abercrombie, Florida Marlins
OF Chris Duffy, Pittsburgh Pirates
OF Geoff Jenkins, Milwaukee Brewers

While All Star voters don't vote for pitchers, no PH4H list would be complete without the real MVPs of PH4H. So here are the top pitchers from each league... 5 starters, 1 middle reliever and 1 closer for each.

AL Pitchers

P Rodrigo Lopez, Baltimore Orioles
P Scott Elarton, Kansas City Royals
P Carlos Silva, Minnesota Twins
P Seth McClung, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
P Jeff Weaver, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
RP Andrew Sisco, Kansas City Royals
CL Ambiorix Burgos, Kansas City Royals

NL Pitchers

P Oliver Perez, Pittsburgh Pirates
P Solomon Torres, Pittsburgh Pirates
P Jorge Sosa, Atlanta Braves
P Livan Hernandez, Washington Nationals
P Dontrelle Willis, Florida Marlins
RP Mike Stanton, Washington Nationals
CL Chris Reitsma, Atlanta Braves

Time filler

I had some down time at work so here are some random things:

1. Zack Braff has a new blog check it Check it out.

2. The Florida Marlins celebrated Jewish heritage day by giving away Mike Jacobs T-Shirts, only he's not Jewish. Here is a really funny take on this from NPR's Wait, wait...Don't tell me! The Marlins claim it was only a coincidence that the T-shirt giveaway was on Jewish heritage day.

How is he not still a Nat?

Esteban Loaiza was arrested for DUI and reckless driving yesterday.

Although, with respect to the reckless driving charge, if I had a Ferrari, I'd want to drive over 120 mph, too. Just not after drinking.

Save PBS and NPR

Generally I hate preaching so I won't, but if you like NPR and PBS please sign this petition

Justin's latest post . . .

. . . is an important public service announcement.

Programming Note

Forget the World Cup. Tonight Catch the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship on the A&E channel at 10:00 pm. Personally I will be watching the Closer and Saved on TNT.

Also Matt Damon and his wife had a baby girl name Isabella on Sunday.

Tom Petty, the Heartbreakers, and Stevie Nicks

So, Justin, Inbal, and I went to go see Gainesville's own Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers at Nissan Pavillion last night. The show featured special guest Stevie Nicks. The concert was amazing, and our seats were really good.

Here are a some pictures:










And here are some videos:

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around


Learning to Fly

American Girl

Sidney Ponson Update

Sidney Ponson currently has a 4-1 record with a 3.54 ERA and an ERA+ of 124. I am still winning the empanada bet with Jeff by a fairly significant margin.

To trade or not to trade?

Over the past two days, DCist ran a series of articles on whether or not the Nats should trade Soriano for prospects.

For the record, both Boswell and Svrluga think he -- along with anyone else with value -- ought to be traded.

On the one hand -- the practical side -- I agree with the idea of building the team from the ground up. On the other hand, most of my tickets are for later in the season, and it'll be painful to watch those games after a fire sale. Besides, the team is playing so well lately.

2-for-1

1. Here's a contract dispute, football player style:

[T]he two athletes wrote out a crude contract that stipulated that Portis would pay Ohalete $40,000 in three payments during the season. The agreement was signed and witnessed by an equipment manager, in accordance with ancient tradition.
***
Portis, believing Ohalete’s prior claim on the jersey number was voided after Ohalete left the team, has not paid Ohalete the final two installments of $10,000 that are stipulated in the contract. Ohalete disagrees, and he likely has contract law backing him up, provided the courts recognize something that was probably written on a napkin in the presence of a guy who collects jockstraps a “contract.”

2. Fowl ball (forgive the pun):

The Bisons were batting in the bottom of the 11th inning when the seagull flew between the mound and home plate just as Durham reliever Jason Childers released the ball.

The ball knocked the seagull to the ground.
***
Umpires conferred on the bizarre happenings and ruled play should have stopped as soon as the bird was hit.

This is not the first time, though:

During an exhibition game in 2001, Randy Johnson threw a pitch for Arizona that killed a dove as it flew in front of the batter.

In 1983, Dave Winfield, then with the New York Yankees, threw a ball that hit a seagull at Exhibition Stadium in Toronto. Winfield was charged with cruelty to animals, a charge that was dropped the next day.

Worst birthday ever

As post on this blog have become few and far between I figured I should contribute.

This kid had the worst birthday ever (or at least until my next birthday). Not only did his parents take him to ChuckE Cheese, they forgot him there too.

Also Brangelina sold pics of their new baby for $4 million to Time, Inc, but it appear that one of Dara's favorite sites Gawker got it for free (its right below the Jew York post).

And while we are taking about kids, I think I found definitive proof that Darwin was wrong. Scariest baby news of the week Anna Nicole is pregnant. Any one else feels that will set the human race back a couple of years.

Typo?

Maybe, maybe not:
(from Gawker)

Pee-Wee Herman is back!

And, no, I'm not talking about Justin's Halloween costume.

Adult Swim -- home to my favorites Robot Chicken and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law -- has obtained the rights to Pee-Wee's Playhouse and will air the episodes beginning July 10th.

Today is National Doughnut Day

To celebrate: free Krispy Kreme.

I still think he's funny

Here's an interview with the guy that Debby doesn't think is funny.

Continuing our Royals Bashing....

According to the Onion, the Royals have hired Tom Emanski to teach them the fundamentals of baseball.

A Royal Disgrace

The Kansas City Royals are a really bad team. As of today, they've won a mere 10 games and have lost 13 in a row, and they're already 22 games out of first place. So how do you drum up fan support? A group of Royals fans (yes, they really do exist) have an idea. They've created Royales With Cheese, a blog listing new promotions that the Royals could use to attract more fans to their games. Some of the promotions include replacing the basepaths with Crocodile Mile, a Matt Stairs and Runelvys Hernandez pie eating contest, and celebrity guest manager. The site also spotlights the Doug Mientkiewicz Fan Club, and Royals' highlights using Nintendo's RBI Baseball.

The perils of being "senior editor"

Yesterday, at my work address, I received an invitation to join AARP. I'm thinking of joining. The discounts, you know?

Maybe this will start a new streak

Check out the Governor Girlie Man bobblehead doll:

Breaking the streak

Alas, it's a baseball post, courtesy of The Onion.

Click this link

This site is so awesome that it hurts.

Celebrity Death Match

Looks like MTV might finally bring back Celebrity Death Match.

Pickles as inspiration

OK, this is weird.

Only two baseball posts today

Sports Illustrated on how Albert Pujols is the best thing to happen to baseball and the New York Daily News on how players' drinking binges might be affecting games.

One more reason not to go to O's games

You might get arrested for asking a cop for directions.

Shameless self-promotion

Check out the First Annual blah blah blog Summer Fiction Writing Contest.

Milestone

This is the blog's 200th post.

For the record, Caroline and Jason have each posted once, Steve has posted twice, Inbal and Dan have each posted 7 times, Jeff has posted 22 times, Justin has posted 41 times, which means that the other 119 were by me.

The rest of you -- Michelle, Leanne, Debby, Andy, and Rachel -- are lazy bums. (Amy, of course, is excepted, since she just joined yesterday.)

In more important news

Today, it was announced that Bobby Bowden's getting into the College Football Hall of Fame.

Are you bored?

These people must be. Maybe they should check out this site.

The Complete Text of Snoopy's Novel

Remember that novel that Snoopy is always typing in the Peanuts series? Someone took the time and compiled the complete text. Happy reading!

Jack Morris is super smart

Yogi Berra and Lance Berkman, meet Jack Morris:

Jack Morris was sitting in for Bert Blyleven as the color man on the local Twins broadcast during Monday afternoon's home game against the Chicago White Sox. He and play-by-play announcer Dick Bremer were talking about the expected rainy weather that was awaiting the Twins in Detroit.

"Michigan gets a lot of our weather," said Morris, a native of St. Paul. "Especially when it moves west to east."

Well, yeah. Especially then.

Morris is pretty good on the air. Kind of a poor man's Jim Kaat.

Flutie retires

I never thought this day would come, but, Doug Flutie retired today, at the age of 549.

Mark Buehrle

In case you missed it....

White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle gave up 7 runs in the first inning yesterday....

and got the win.

What's up with Texas running backs and drugs?

First Ricky Williams, and now this.

And for the record, five pounds of marijuana? That's a heck of a lot.

Barry Bonds v. Babe Ruth test

This is kind of like the test that Inbal posted, but about baseball.

Jack Bauer vs. Christmas tree

. . . straight to video.

Need a nap?

Try sleeping under your desk.

Was He-Man Gay?

Check this out:

The best part about rewatching He-Man, after the initial nostalgia-burst, was tracking the show's hilarious accidental homo-eroticism—an aspect I missed completely as a first-grader. In the ever-growing lineup of "outed" classic superheroes, He-Man might be the easiest target of all. It's almost too easy: Prince Adam, He-Man's alter ego, is a ripped Nordic pageboy with blinding teeth and sharply waxed eyebrows who spends lazy afternoons pampering his timid pet cat; he wears lavender stretch pants, furry purple Ugg boots, and a sleeveless pink blouse that clings like saran wrap to his pecs. To become He-Man, Adam harnesses what he calls "fabulous secret powers": His clothes fall off, his voice drops a full octave, his skin turns from vanilla to nut brown, his giant sword starts gushing energy, and he adopts a name so absurdly masculine it's redundant. Next, he typically runs around seizing space-wands with glowing knobs and fabulously straddling giant rockets. He hangs out with people called Fisto and Ram Man, and they all exchange wink-wink nudge-nudge dialogue: "I'd like to hear more about this hooded seed-man of yours!" "I feel the bony finger of Skeletor!" "Your assistance is required on Snake Mountain!" Once you start thinking along these lines, it's impossible to stop. (Clearly, others have had the same idea.) It's a prime example of how easily an extreme fantasy of masculinity can circle back to become its opposite.

(From Slate.)

Ooooh! Ooooh! Ooooh!

You remember watching reruns of "Welcome Back, Kotter" after school. Well, now you can look forward to the movie, with an obvious choice for the role of Kotter: Ice Cube.

Celebrities have opinions too.

McConaughey on Bonds.

Strangely, Matthew McConaughey's view is not all that unlike the one shown on Bonds on Bonds:

If Barry Bonds did take steroids or not, even if you think he did or didn't, you gotta root for him because, whatever is true, or whatever you believe, he's clean now. Fact and perception.
So every home run he hits, like the mammoth 452-footer he hit in Philadelphia May 7, is a hit, a home run — for Barry, for baseball. It's a clean pursuit of the record, by maybe the greatest home run hitter ever to play the game.
***
Ironically, in a nation whose judicial system says we are all "innocent until proven guilty," we like to think of him as a guilty man who just hit an innocent home run, but that's another story for human nature and socio-psychology.

Color test

Try this quick test. Its much harder than it looks

Evolution of Dance video

PH4H Blog
My sister forwarded this video to me. It's a hilarious dance routine by a comedian where he does everything from the moonwalk to the "worm". It's awesome!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

Idol and other thoughts

Until this year I looked down on American Idol and refused to watch, but this season I have succumbed to peer pressure and decided to watch. Now I’m sorry that I did. I know you can’t trust the public at large to choose the president, but I thought that at least they could pick the best singer/entertainer. This article summarizes my feeling on the subject.

Here are some cool links I came across:

1. Seinfeld Scripts - the scrips from almost every Seinfeld episode
2. The Speach Accent Archives - This a very cool GMU web site where you can hear accents form all over the world.
3. Headlines from around the world - The Newseum is still closed, but there website is still up and running

Actually all these links and many more were complied by some one else on this website akavish.com, but the website is in Hebrew, which most of you can’t read.

more schadenfreude

Yes, I've been watching Bonds on Bonds. It amuses me.

Here's ESPN's counterpoint: Babe on Babe. Funny stuff.

Not so funny? The idea that the authors of the book detailing Bonds' steroid use might be going to jail over the First Amendment.

ha ha ha yankees suck ha ha schadenfreude ha ha ha ha

George Steinbrenner hates his team. Especially Alex Rodriguez.

And, as an aside, if you're paying someone $25 million a year, the least you can do is learn his name.

Just plain weird

Check out this article about Pedro Martinez gardening. Seriously.

Interesting point

According to this article, Barry Bonds surpassing Babe Ruth's record isn't that bad -- because, historically, he's not the worst cheater in baseball.

Baseball pictures and video

Here is a picture of Caroline and Steve -- in full rally mode -- at tonight's Nationals game:

Even better, here's the video of them singing along to "Sweet Caroline":

Pictures from last weekend

Here are some pictures from Stephanie's bowling party last weekend.

Cristian Guzman update

As anticipated, Cristian Guzman -- who, along with Ricky Williams, is the PH4H poster child -- is officially out for the rest of the season.

Save a life

There's a nationwide bone marrow registration drive taking place Mother's Day weekend (May 12-14), including in DC and four locations in the Maryland suburbs. You are no more than two degrees separated from someone who is in urgent need: Matt, a kid I know from Camp Rainbow, will receive a bone marrow transplant in coming weeks, and they have found only a partial match. You could be the perfect match. Registering is free and the test is a simple mouth swab—no blood test, no pain, nothing invasive. Please bring and/or tell your friends and families as well.

Baseball news

Everyone seems to be talking about the Lerner thing, but I think this is more important: Kirby Puckett's children are fighting for custody of his ashes. First Ted Williams, now this.

Strange

Did anyone else catch that last night, Frank Robinson used Livan Hernandez as a pinch hitter?

Fun with headlines

This New York Post headline is very funny.

Now Even the Cows Have a Blog!

Moooooove over YouTube and Google Video, and make way for MooTube! The site, run by PBS, takes a glance at the daily life of Texas Longhorn cattle, and features "Cow Cam". There's even a cow blog and a cow of the day!

Fun for girls and boys

Check out this picture collection of iconic sports hairdos.

In related news

Joe posted the Yiddish version of the national anthem on his website.

Manifesto update

It is also permissible to sing the National Anthem backwards in Spanish.

Just be warned -- the president doesn't approve of this version.

The downside of having an owner. . .

. . . is that they can just fire the entire team.

More Ponson

Ponson gave up 2 runs in 6.2 innings to beat the pathetic Washington Nationals tonight. He lowered his ERA to 3.13.

Favre and the record books

To be fair to Favre, he does have a shot at some pretty major records if he's at all functional this season, and if he can play part of one more season.

From his Wikipedia entry:

He is 24 touchdown passes away from Marino's record.
He is 9 wins away from Elway's wins as starting QB record.

But, he should be careful....

He's also 22 away from George Blanda's interceptions thrown record.

Equally as important...

Wow, that's bad news for Dolphins fans. Almost as bad as the news that Favre will return for another season is for Packers fans.

More importantly . . .

. . . the NFL suspended Ricky Williams for a full year.

PH4H Betting Manifesto

Jeff and I were discussing the PH4H bets last night at the Nationals game. We’ve been making these silly bets for a while, but nobody has set forth rules to govern our conduct. So, here’s an attempt:

Betting Form: There are two types of bets, mutual and unilateral. A mutual bet is easy. For example, “If the Tampa Bay Devil Rays finish the 2006 season ahead of the Baltimore Orioles, Jeff will buy Dara an empanada. But, if the Orioles finish above the Devil Rays, Dara will owe Jeff an empanada.” This is a mutual bet. The terms are negotiated between both parties, who are assumed to have equal bargaining power and equal opportunity to accept or reject the terms.

Moreover, the terms do not have to be mirror images. For example, “If the Toronto Blue Jays finish in first place in the AL East standings for the 2006 season, Justin will owe Dara an empanada, but if the Blue Jays finish below .500 in the 2006 season, Dara will owe Justin an empanada."

A unilateral bet is more difficult. It is always poor manners to ask someone to buy you something. Therefore, these bets should always involve the bettor offering something to the recipient. So, instead of saying “If Royce Clayton hits a double to the GEICO banner on his next at bat, will you buy me an empanada?” proper form would instead require you to say “If Royce Clayton hits a double to the GEICO banner, I will buy you an empanada.”

No matter how ridiculous the offer, if you make it, you are obligated to follow-through.

Of course, a unilateral bet can be changed into a mutual bet if the recipient agrees to further conditions. For example, in the situation described above, the recipient can say, “Sure. And if Royce Clayton hits a triple to the McDonald's sign, I will buy you an empanada.”

Betting Currencies: There are many acceptable betting currencies, and the list keeps expanding.

The most common bets involve an empanada, or portion thereof – although, from experience, betting in increments of a quarter of an empanada can become unwieldy.

Other bets include a dinner, a steak dinner, a lemonade, a hard lemonade, a Cristian Guzman bobblehead doll, and singing a national anthem backwards. (Any national anthem is perfectly acceptable, but if it's not "The Star-Spangled Banner," you should probably specify that at the time you make the bet.)

Justin has offered to pay off bets in Gatorade, but I think that is only acceptable in situations involving the Florida Gators.

The various currencies can be combined, and such behavior is encouraged, as it makes for more interesting conversation. Specificity is equally important, for the same reason. For example, "I'll bet you an empanada," is vastly less amusing than "I'll bet you a dessert empanada and a hard lemonade."

We should not -- and do not -- encourage betting for money (except, of course, for the inevitable NCAA Tournament pool). Indeed, the only time that cash should change hands is when it (a) occurs in a bar and (b) is more accurately described as a dare. So, it is entirely acceptable to say "Justin, I will give you a dollar if you go up to a random girl at the bar and sing 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling,'" or "Inbal, I will give you a dollar if you ask that guy if you can touch his cowboy hat."

Other Issues: (1) As indicated in the prior example, bets do not have to be sports related. They can be related to anything.

(2) You can increase the bet currency up until the time that performance is no longer possible, but you cannot decrease the currency. For example, it is acceptable to make the following bet: “If Carlos Baerga hits a home run during this at bat, I will buy you an empanada. No, make that two empanadas. Make that two empanadas AND a lemonade. And, I’ll sing the National Anthem backwards.” (Although, as most everyone knows, Dan has not had much success with this particular bet.)

In that regard, however, it is not acceptable to say something along the lines of “If Nick Johnson gets hit by a pitch in this at bat, I will buy you a steak dinner. Well, on second thought, he gets plunked a lot, so make that an empanada.”

(3) You should endeavor to keep a record of your bets. While this blog is not the only option for keeping track of who owes what to whom, it is useful and available for that purpose.

(4) If someone has to sing the National Anthem backwards, you should at least make an attempt to record it for posterity, and if possible, post it to the blog. (Hint, hint.)