In related news

Joe posted the Yiddish version of the national anthem on his website.

Manifesto update

It is also permissible to sing the National Anthem backwards in Spanish.

Just be warned -- the president doesn't approve of this version.

The downside of having an owner. . .

. . . is that they can just fire the entire team.

More Ponson

Ponson gave up 2 runs in 6.2 innings to beat the pathetic Washington Nationals tonight. He lowered his ERA to 3.13.

Favre and the record books

To be fair to Favre, he does have a shot at some pretty major records if he's at all functional this season, and if he can play part of one more season.

From his Wikipedia entry:

He is 24 touchdown passes away from Marino's record.
He is 9 wins away from Elway's wins as starting QB record.

But, he should be careful....

He's also 22 away from George Blanda's interceptions thrown record.

Equally as important...

Wow, that's bad news for Dolphins fans. Almost as bad as the news that Favre will return for another season is for Packers fans.

More importantly . . .

. . . the NFL suspended Ricky Williams for a full year.

PH4H Betting Manifesto

Jeff and I were discussing the PH4H bets last night at the Nationals game. We’ve been making these silly bets for a while, but nobody has set forth rules to govern our conduct. So, here’s an attempt:

Betting Form: There are two types of bets, mutual and unilateral. A mutual bet is easy. For example, “If the Tampa Bay Devil Rays finish the 2006 season ahead of the Baltimore Orioles, Jeff will buy Dara an empanada. But, if the Orioles finish above the Devil Rays, Dara will owe Jeff an empanada.” This is a mutual bet. The terms are negotiated between both parties, who are assumed to have equal bargaining power and equal opportunity to accept or reject the terms.

Moreover, the terms do not have to be mirror images. For example, “If the Toronto Blue Jays finish in first place in the AL East standings for the 2006 season, Justin will owe Dara an empanada, but if the Blue Jays finish below .500 in the 2006 season, Dara will owe Justin an empanada."

A unilateral bet is more difficult. It is always poor manners to ask someone to buy you something. Therefore, these bets should always involve the bettor offering something to the recipient. So, instead of saying “If Royce Clayton hits a double to the GEICO banner on his next at bat, will you buy me an empanada?” proper form would instead require you to say “If Royce Clayton hits a double to the GEICO banner, I will buy you an empanada.”

No matter how ridiculous the offer, if you make it, you are obligated to follow-through.

Of course, a unilateral bet can be changed into a mutual bet if the recipient agrees to further conditions. For example, in the situation described above, the recipient can say, “Sure. And if Royce Clayton hits a triple to the McDonald's sign, I will buy you an empanada.”

Betting Currencies: There are many acceptable betting currencies, and the list keeps expanding.

The most common bets involve an empanada, or portion thereof – although, from experience, betting in increments of a quarter of an empanada can become unwieldy.

Other bets include a dinner, a steak dinner, a lemonade, a hard lemonade, a Cristian Guzman bobblehead doll, and singing a national anthem backwards. (Any national anthem is perfectly acceptable, but if it's not "The Star-Spangled Banner," you should probably specify that at the time you make the bet.)

Justin has offered to pay off bets in Gatorade, but I think that is only acceptable in situations involving the Florida Gators.

The various currencies can be combined, and such behavior is encouraged, as it makes for more interesting conversation. Specificity is equally important, for the same reason. For example, "I'll bet you an empanada," is vastly less amusing than "I'll bet you a dessert empanada and a hard lemonade."

We should not -- and do not -- encourage betting for money (except, of course, for the inevitable NCAA Tournament pool). Indeed, the only time that cash should change hands is when it (a) occurs in a bar and (b) is more accurately described as a dare. So, it is entirely acceptable to say "Justin, I will give you a dollar if you go up to a random girl at the bar and sing 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling,'" or "Inbal, I will give you a dollar if you ask that guy if you can touch his cowboy hat."

Other Issues: (1) As indicated in the prior example, bets do not have to be sports related. They can be related to anything.

(2) You can increase the bet currency up until the time that performance is no longer possible, but you cannot decrease the currency. For example, it is acceptable to make the following bet: “If Carlos Baerga hits a home run during this at bat, I will buy you an empanada. No, make that two empanadas. Make that two empanadas AND a lemonade. And, I’ll sing the National Anthem backwards.” (Although, as most everyone knows, Dan has not had much success with this particular bet.)

In that regard, however, it is not acceptable to say something along the lines of “If Nick Johnson gets hit by a pitch in this at bat, I will buy you a steak dinner. Well, on second thought, he gets plunked a lot, so make that an empanada.”

(3) You should endeavor to keep a record of your bets. While this blog is not the only option for keeping track of who owes what to whom, it is useful and available for that purpose.

(4) If someone has to sing the National Anthem backwards, you should at least make an attempt to record it for posterity, and if possible, post it to the blog. (Hint, hint.)

Sidney Ponson Update

After 3 outings, Sidney Ponson is 2-0 with a 3.31 ERA.

I haven't found a site that lists the major league average ERA, but I'm guessing it's around 4.35. So, Jeff, an empanada on over/under 4.35 ERA at the end of the season? If anyone can find the league average ERA for 2005, I'm willing to use that instead of 4.35.

And then, decades later ...

Ty Cobb: Hall-of-Famer, incredible hitter, DC lawyer.

In keeping with my pattern

Here's a link to my blog post -- featuring pictures and a video -- from tonight's Nats' game.

Tarp Video from Friday's Ballgame

Here's a link to my video of the tarp coming off the field on Friday night.

Post from last night's game

Here's my post, including pictures, from last night's Nationals' game during which Soriano hit 3 home runs.

Too awesome not to share

About the new $10 bill . . . .

Suspicious Onion Prediction

The Onion article that Justin linked to last week was eerily prescient.

Hu's on First

In honor of the Chinese president's visit ... James Sherman's Hu's on First.

At This Pace... A Reminder It's Only April

An Orioles message board listed a number of things that would happen if baseball's statistics thus far were projected throughout the rest of the season. Among other things, Chris Shelton would hit 90 homeruns, Oscar Villareal (a relief pitcher) would have 40 wins, Scott Elarton would have 40 losses, and Bronson Arroyo (a pitcher) would hit 20 homeruns!

FYI

Here's a blog on the secret code of Nats hats.

Missouri's Profane Congresswoman

"I am honored to serve as your Representative in the U.S. Congress. I think you're an as%$&@#."

How would you respond if you got a letter from your Congressional Representative that ended with that?

Three Non Baseball Posts in a Row

According to The Washington Post, the next people to leave the White House will be the Bush twins...

Things to do when you're bored

Find out if your phone number spells anything interesting, courtesy of Ask Yahoo.

Ethics and the Brain

Dana Foundation Chairman William Safire is hosting the Charlie Rose Show tonight (4/19). He will interview Michael Gazzaniga, author of The Ethical Brain. Check local listings.

(How's that for a non-baseball post?)

Did anyone else catch this?

Over the weekend in Florida, the Nats GM Jim Bowden was arrested for DUI.

Why we're going to miss RFK

Slate's article expresses my fears about the new stadium.

Will they stay or will they go?

According to this article, San Antonio has given the Marlins until May 15th to decide whether to relocate.

Natsterpiece Theater

I think they should bring back "Natsterpiece Theater" on the jumbotron at the Nationals games. I'm thinking about starting a petition. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on "Washington Nationals" on this site.

Maybe we can get this guy to sign my petition. He apparently liked Natsterpiece Theater enough to blog about it twice. And this guy liked it too.

Interesting article

From MLB.com, it's an article about things that are good or bad for baseball.

As promised...

Ever wondered who would win the matchup between the Washington Nationals and the Washington Senators? Or what about the Baltimore Orioles and the Baltimore Terrapins? Now you can find out! Whatifsports.com allows you to pick your favorite baseball, football, hockey, and basketball (pro and college) teams of all time against each other to determine who would win. It will give you a box score as well as play-by-play of what happened during the "game". Play ball!

What's in a Name

The St. Louis Cardinals' official website refers to their new baseball stadium as New Busch. I wonder if this is anything like New Coke? Or, perhaps, New Bush?

For the girls . . .

. . . the ten plagues, in shoes.

Baseball music

Usually, at baseball games, I pay attention to the songs played for each hitter but today Slate ran this article on the music played for closers.

More fun with Passover

In particular, Elijah.

And this is also fun.

Also

Some Packers and Nationals news in The Onion.

From Onion Sports

Dusty Baker Not Worried About Cubs' Hot Start

Sad news (sorry my first post will be such a downer). Upon our arrival home after Inbal's delightful Seder, my friend and companion of the past year, Seymour the Betta Fish, was found white and bloated at the bottom of his bowl. Steve flushed him rather unceremoniously, but I know he would appreciate your individual moments of silence in his honor.

Great Piece of Cardinals Memorabilia

This link pretty much speaks for itself. And to answer the inevitable question, I have no idea if it's kosher.

Happy Passover!

And, to that end, the Post published four questions about matzo. The best part is Gene Weingarten's joke:

An engineer gets a contract to build a new jet fighter for the Israeli air force. He builds the plane, but on its first practice run, both wings fall off in flight. Same thing happens the second flight, and the third. Deeply distraught, the engineer goes to his rabbi for solace. The rabbi hears the story and gives the engineer some advice: Drill a line of holes on the top and the bottom of each wing, right where it connects with the fuselage. Do that, the rabbi says, and you won't have a problem.

The engineer thinks this is crazy, but he is desperate. So he does what the rabbi said, and, sure enough, the wings stay on. Elated, the engineer goes back to the rabbi and asks how he knew this would work.

"Listen, son. I've been in this business 50 years. I have attended 50 Passover seders. And let me tell you, not once have I seen a matzo break at the perforation."

More useful perhaps is Slate's version of a two-minute Haggadah.

Random thoughts

First let me set the record straight. I did not mean to imply that all baseball talk should cease, just that we need a little more variety. Second and this is baseball related any one catch Johnny Damon on Letterman last night? How cute was he? I guess he has been keeping up with the Fab Five's regimen cause he looks awesome. Hardly a hint of the Neanderthal he used to be. In last night’s episode Luke (from Gilmore Girls) predicted that Johnny’s ERA is going to drop by 20 points because of the new look. Here is the before and after. I apologize for the quality of the picture:





Last but not least, I predict that we saw the last of Ace on AI. Not even his pretty boy looks can save him after tonight's performance.

Video Games Simulating Reality

Some guy with way too much time on his hands simulated the bottom of the 10th inning of Game Six of the 1986 World Series using scenes from the Nintendo Game RBI Baseball. Vin Scully's classic play-by-play of the Mets' comeback against the Red Sox (helped by Bill Buckner's famous goof) is spliced together with video from the famed Nintendo game.

Mark Mulder

Here's a line I have to type while it's still true:

Mark Mulder is tied for the lead in most home runs hit in the history of the New Busch Stadium.

Protest noise

I still hear protestors outside my office. Therefore, I am not looking forward to what is likely to be a dreadful commute home. Maybe I should stay in the office for a while longer.

Ponson

Despite St. Louis losing the game, Ponson actually looked ok in his first outing for the Cards. He gave up three runs in five innings, but they were all from a cheap Jacque Jones home run that barely got over the fence. I know that he's not going to be a superstar, but he'll be servicable as the Cards' 5th starter.

Were-rabbit

Who has seen The Curse of the Were-Rabbit? Life imitates art.

According to this weird website. . .

Fun Passover Toys

Look what I bought today. Too bad they won't be here in time for the Seder.

Not likely

Inbal, it's baseball season, and at least 50% of the blog members are baseball fans. Therefore, there will be occasional baseball-related posts. Deal with it. At least we're not as singularly focused as some other blogs.

Maybe more information will help. Here's a webpage with the basics. Or, maybe we'd blog less if more baseball was on TV. So, everyone should sign the petition.

I am held hostage at work against my will on Friday night while my manager is discussing the Master's in Augusta (and quite possibly watching it although I cannot confirm) with the company's CEO. So I am talking a stand against all sports talk. Seriously I think it might be a good time to change the subject, at least for a while. It is only the beginning of April, and I don't think I can take six month of nothing but baseball talk, which will probably be followed by football talk. Not that I have anything particularly interesting or witty to say, but I had nothing better to do.

As I am new to this whole blogging thing and not quite sure that I want to get addicted I will start slow. Here are a couple of links for your enjoyment.

1. Colbert Report blog

2. Passover games

Enjoy.

Bruce Chen Joke of the Day

The Orioles have a new between innings scoreboard segment: the Bruce Chen Joke of the Day. In the segment, Bruce Chen tells a new corny joke each night. Here are two of the jokes Chen has told so far:

Q: What do you do with a one-legged dog?
A: Take it for a drag!

Q: Why did the bicycle fall down?
A: Because it was two tired!

I declare Bruce Chen to be an honorary PH4Her!

Baseball in New Orleans

The Post ran an interesting article today about the Nats Class AAA team, the New Orleans Zephyrs.

News + Singing = Awesome

Check it out here.

Fun with e-mail

So, this morning, Dan and I had the following e-mail exchange about next Tuesday's Nats home opener. Names have been changed to protect the innocent:

Dara: Don't worry me like that! I think I might commit hari kari if I had to sit next to John Doe for 4 hours.
Dan: hari kari sounds like a South Asian religion. I assume you mean Harry Caray.
Dara: This is what I meant, but for baseball purposes, I am willing to alter the spelling.
Dan: lol. I hadn't heard of that before.
Dara: I have strange knowledge of samurai culture.

Coincidence?

Top 2 items under "official releases" on the Nats' web site this morning:
• Dick Cheney to throw ceremonial first pitch
• Nationals name 2006 medical staff

Nats advertising and food improvements

The Post's Marc Fisher discussed the Nats TV ads and RFK's food upgrades in his morning blog post.

Overpaid?

The average salary of a professional baseball player is almost $2.9 million.

Kris and Anna Benson update

Since last week's post, Anna Benson has withdrawn her petiton for divorce, deciding to try to work on her marriage to the new Orioles pitcher. However, to the dismay of all men in the greater Baltimore area, she'll be doing it from Atlanta. (As an aside, who knew that his real name was Kristin?)

It's lockup for Dr. K

In response to my earlier query, today Dwight Gooden was sentenced to 1 year in prison.

Best new way to heckle Barry Bonds?

Throw a syringe at him.

Christian Guzman Bobbleheads

Now on sale for $7.97, with free shipping!

Vote in my new baseball poll

My new weekly poll is about baseball. (Go figure.) Vote here.

Final PH4H Pick'em Standings

Well, it's official. Florida won the championship, beating UCLA by a score of 73-57. And I am the only person who picked them. Go me.

So, here are the final PH4H Pick'em Standings:
1st place -- Inbal
2nd place -- Caroline
3rd place -- Dara

But look -- the top 3 are GIRLS!


And, in true PH4H fashion, Andy took last place.

New man in town

I think Gator Nation can finally put Steve Spurrier there is a new semi god in town and his name is Billy Donavon. I'm not deluded enough to think Basketball will ever be a distant second to Football in Florida, but since it will take at least ten years before any football coach can win the heart of the Gator fans. I think Billy will fill the void for now.

How good was this game?!

I know I'm tempting faith by starting to write this before the game is officially over, but it is clear that Florida is the better team and we are the champions. So Go Gators.

now its official!



Florida"Orange and Blue"
So give a cheer for the orange and blueWaving ForeverForever Pride of old FloridaMay She droop neverWe'll sing a song for the flag todayCheer for the team at playOn to the goal we'll fight our wayFor Florida.

How'd the experts do?

You think your brackets were bad? According to King Kaufman, the experts' picks started off bad and didn't end any better.

All's still quiet on the Favre front

Brett Favre has been given more time to make his decision.

GATORS Rule!!!

Finally an event worthy of me posting the Florida is in the finals. I'm ashamed to say I did not have as much faith Dara and did not pick FL to go all the way in my pools, which by the way I won, but I know they are going all the way this year UCLA does not stand a chance.

Jdates gone wrong

Here's a blog where people submit their worst Jdate stories.