Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Haikus for Jews

My mom just forwarded me a list of Haikus for Jews. Here's a sampling:

On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.


We here at the Chicago Cubs would like you to know that we are constantly striving to raise the bar on our own futility. For example, why waste time giving up a walk-off walk when we could have a walk-off hit-the-guy?

Think there's nowhere to go from here? Just wait. Perhaps you'll be a lucky fan at the game where we give up a walk-off balk or walk-off swinging-strike-three wild pitch. Buy your tickets now!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Best Nationals Website Ever!

Check out http://mattchicorules.blogspot.com/.

It is laugh-out-loud funny.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

May CD

For those who haven't received it yet (which is all club members except Dara)... the May CD is indeed ready... It's actually been ready for a while... with moving and everything I haven't distributed them yet. Plus, I plan on doing a little explanation of the CD on the blog. I'm out of town this weekend, but I'm willing to make arrangements to get the CD to you by next Thursday and thus meet the May 31 deadline.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Someone really wanted that coffee...

An SUV crashed into a Baltimore-area Starbucks today, striking an outdoor table and then crashing through the front window of the store. I've heard of a "drive-in" restaurant, but I think this is taking that concept a little too far....

Golden Sombreros

I heard this mentioned on sports radio yesterday and thought it was a very PH4H-worthy topic...

Apparently when a batter strikes out 4 times on a given day, this is referred to as the "Golden Sombrero."

The term originates from the fact that "hat trick" is associated with the number 3, so if you strike out 4 times, you need a bigger hat.

If you strike out 5 times in a game, as Andruw Jones did on Sunday, this is referred to as the "platinum sombrero."

A player who strike out six times recieves the "titanium sombrero" or the "horn." This feat has been accomplished 7 times, but never in a 9 inning game.

No one has ever struck out more than 6 times in a single game.

Wikipedia has a list of all platinum and titanium sombrero receipients. Amazingly, no National has received one yet.

How Far Can You Throw a Paper Airplane?

First it was flight simulators, now it's paper airplane simulators. Good luck!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

New Sports Marketing Technique

This is an actual email sent by the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network (MASN), the Baltimore Orioles' tv network:

Corey Patterson
AL leader in sacrifice bunts.
Some call it small ball.
Corey calls it smart ball.
Patterson and the Orioles take on the Washington Nationals starting Friday.

Sacrifice bunts... yeah that makes for great, entertaining tv....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Quintessential walk-off

At least when the Nationals practically assured a loss May 5 by walking in 3 runs in the 3rd inning, my other team benefited. You know, the one that lost May 14 by giving up a walk-off walk.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Yom Hashlomo Is Born

Washington D.C. - At approximately 1:07 pm on Monday May 14, 2007 at the Elephant and Castle Pub 1201 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, the day formerly known as Steve Day was renamed Yom Hashlomo. This takes the founder's once embarrassing Hebrew name and breathes new life into it. There was talk of making it a PH4H holiday or rather THE PH4H holiday. Perhaps there will be a vote on that at the next PH4H International Conference. There has been some discussion as to the late announcement of Yom Hashlomo this year. The founder only decided this past Thursday to designate May 14 as this year's date. Perhaps, future observances should be planned for the next 10 years. Also, the founder suggests that these dates be sent to major calendars manufacturers for inclusion in the standard American calendar. The founder stated, "If some calendars can include Mexican Mother's Day, they sure as hell could add Yom Hashlomo."

The second annual celebration was a big success for the founder. He made this a green Yom Hashlomo by riding Metro bus and rail to the big city. He even received a free Metrobus transfer from a random, friendly Hispanic woman who spoke to him in Spanish. That was a pleasant turn of events for him. In addition, he met with a published novelist and fellow Jackson, Michigan native at GWU, Professor Faye Moskowitz. They had been trying to meet in person for approximately 5 years so it was satisfying to finally meet and chat. The founder returned via the Metro system. He retired for a quiet evening at home. Asked about the turn of events that led to the renaming of the holiday, the founder responded, "At first I thought Yom Hashlom would be funnier because it rhymed, but you really can't beat Yom Hashlomo. I mean Shlomo is just funny."

Funny Headline

From the AP's game preview of the Kansas City Royals-L.A. Angels matchup: Royals to Get a Taste of Angels' Colon.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

You can hit a homerun!

This really cool NASA simulator lets you "hit" a homerun in different weather and park conditions. Just pick your ballpark (Denver, Baltimore, Cleveland, Mt. Everest, Mars, or the Moon); adjust the wind, ball speed, angle, and drag; pick your weather conditions (hot, cold, or the science geeks can pick their own weather settings); and swing away! My homerun in normal weather conditions on the moon went over 4000 feet. :-)

Someone must have drunk the ...

Mmm, it's close to lunch time, and all I can think about is a Kool-Aid dill. Maybe for dessert I'll dunk Oreos in Miller Lite.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Empanadas in Rockville

So I was off of work yesterday and Amy had a Professional Day, so we went to lunch at an Argentinian restaurant in Rockville, El Patio. We tried the empanadas (Amy had, somehow, never had an empanada in her life), and they were excellent. The rest of the food- tortillas, quiches, and other Argentinian dishes- is really good (and dirt cheap), too. And they accidentally gave us two free capuccinos (too bad I'm not a coffee drinker, but my maté was good). We definitely recommend this restaurant- Justin and Debby, it's right around the corner from where you're moving!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Last year, it was Jose.

So, the Nationals traded Chris Snelling to get Ryan Langerhans. It's starting to look like Stan Kasten's big plan is to put together an entire team of Ryans -- although they'll have to get rid of the pair of Jesuses to do that.

I hope Ryan Howard is next. That would be some deal.

CD Club Update

Debby traded her May CD to me for my August CD and two first round draft picks.

You can all look forward to my CD sometime in the next few weeks.

Just How Good is Albert Pujols?

It takes 4 balls for a run of the mill baseball player to earn a walk.

For Albert? Only 3.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

As if the first one wasn't bad enough

They're making I Love New York 2.

Journalists Can Create Scandals, Too

According to the New York Post, recently-divorced Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane sent a series of private emails and racy photos of herself to NFL Network anchorman Rich Eisen. The only problems? Eisen is married, and Lane sent the emails to a joint account Eisen and his wife share. His wife, Suzy Shuster, a college football sideline reporter for ABC, intercepted the emails and wrote a sarcastic reply to Lane. If you're going to flirt with a married man, don't send the email to the joint account he shares with his wife!